By Loren Hughes

Staff Writer

I feel old.  Not only is my hair graying, but I’ve also noticed extensive wrinkles on my forehead and a stiffness in my legs I can’t seem to shake.

OK, maybe I’m exaggerating a lot, but aside from my physical appearance, it really does seem like every other part of me is starting to age and it’s scaring me a bit.

I wouldn’t classify myself as an angry, impatient, cynical person, but lately, it’s unfortunately been appearing that way.

I attended a movie recently to discover myself really annoyed by the giggling middle school girls behind me. I leaned over and told my friend I wouldn’t be able to enjoy the movie if the giggling didn’t stop.

Since when did that bother me before? Considering the fact I myself used to be that giggling girl, I was very alarmed upon discovering my annoyance with them.

This occurrence may seem miniscule in the grand scheme of things, but the list doesn’t stop there. It ranges from growing increasingly impatient with slow waiters to getting angry at every little thing a fellow driver is doing that I may not agree with.

On the more positive side of changes I’ve experienced, I’ve noticed I get joy out of making my own dinner at night, and that I am even interested in learning new things in school now. What is happening to me?

Since I was little, I considered all of these habits to be “adult” things. I decided to go to my mother about this situation, and she said that perhaps I was maturing, proceeding to remind me that I am 18, after all.

I decided to brush that advice off my shoulder, since I’ve only been 18 for a few months. But I remembered when my December birthday rolled around, everyone kept asking me, “How does it feel?” or “Do you feel old?” Am I really that old now?

It is not to say I think all adults are some league of aliens that are a completely different species than us teenagers. But when you’re young, you always tend to think that adults don’t understand you, and that they aren’t as hip and cool as we teenagers can be.

It is also not to say I spend all my hours growing impatient with random strangers and reading gardening books – but maybe I am maturing and growing up, and am starting to become familiar with the childish things which used to entertain me.

The extremely bittersweet part of this realization that gets me the most is that I don’t want to grow up and be an adult. The word “adult” carries so much responsibility and experience with it that it’s enough to scare me.

I know that in a high school of thousands of students, I can’t be the only one who finds herself growing up way too fast to be true. Now that I’ve recognized my current inner “adult versus child” battle, I have vowed to continue to wake up at 5 a.m. on Christmas morning, to never stop goofing off with my friends and to ward off all my recurring annoyances while driving or even while at the movies. I therefore officially aim to never let the child in me leave, no matter what adulthood may bring.

After all, it worked for Peter Pan.

Graphic by Yogesh Patel.